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So THIS is what excitement feels like!

I actually graduated therapy this month!
YAY!

I'll still see Dr Deb at least once a year to touch base or more if I'm slipping, but it's quite a boosting feeling.

I'll miss going to see her. She's super cool.

In my last therapy session, I shared kind of a big breakthrough for me. One that gave Dr Deb goosebumps, she said.

My epiphany was:
So maybe what I feel with anxiety is what OTHER people feel as excitement?!!!

We talked that through. It makes sense as the body trains itself to react in a certain way to certain triggers. Me being scared of my brother as a child started this.
After decades about being nervous and worried about EVERYTHING my body was trained to react to even the slightest rise in adrenaline and act UN-accordingly.

Not only does adrenaline rise when nervous and scared, it also rises when excited and looking forward to something...

(I'm sure you can see where this is going)

So, lets say I have a performance coming up. I'm looking forward to…

Started a new Bra, y'all! Loki Bra: Part 1

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That post title *almost* rhymes...

I've been wanting to make this particular tribal bra for some time. I'm calling it:
My Loki Bra!!!!



I've gathered materials from here and there....I finally have all I need and a deadline to get me motivated.

Student Showcase: November 11th

So, I know there are a BILLION FILLION tutorials on "how" to make a tribal bra.
That's not what I'm trying to achieve here.
I'm just going to be journal how "I" make one.
Kind of an experiment of sorts. See what works, what doesn't...the usual stuff.


How I like to start is to cover the bra first. (I'll deal with the straps later)
I make sure to find a STRETCHY material for this, as I need a great deal of stretch! (Wide Rib Cage Syndrome. ha ha)

I went with a thrift store velour track jacket.
So luxurious....ha ha.

I lay the fabric I've liberated from the jacket on top of the cups, making sure the stretch goes SIDE TO SIDE (not north to south)

Then pin it in p…

Notebook of Holding!

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This is my DANCE NOTEBOOK!

I have it split up into 5 sections and use it every time I teach! It also holds a graph paper notebook...because I love notebooks and its fun to draw on graph paper. In a perfect modern world I would do all this on my tablet or computer...but there's just something grounding about using a pen and paper. I also loooove the office supply store.

The 5 Sections are: The Bleuebellatrix Project (Satori Violet's performing troupe) 101: broken down by week 201 Choreography Fly Fusion: It's my ambition to try and write down all the moves. It's an ongoing project Misc: Self explainatory

Below is me brainstorming a 201 choreography with Post It notes. Have I expounded yet on my love for office supplies?

Below is a page out of the Fly Fusion section.

And of course I need to fill that pocket in the back!
Those round things are Violet's business cards (cool, right?), some extra stickers, and usually a few class schedules to hand out if anyone asks. I u…

A little experiment...

Pridefest Pryder!

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I had the BEST day last Saturday!

It was Mankato Pridefest.....

This was a FULL DAY of Performances!
We had the Pride Parade at 11:30, performances at Pridefest at 1:00 and 3:30, then an Acrobelly Jam Performance at the Coffee Hag at 7:00.

(I slept practically all the next day away)

This post is going to be all pictures. Read the captions for some context.
Photo Credits belong to Melissa Martensen and Lisa Noll.















The Straw that Broke the Camel's Back...

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This post is about my "rock bottom" that led me to finally find a good therapist...

Around this time of year 2 years ago I hit my rock bottom on anxiety.
It was our Performance at Pride Fest and I spent the entire morning in the bathroom.

High Anxiety, you....win
I knew I had an out. I didn't have an "essential" part in any of the dances we were performing...
I freaked my freak and texted Violet I was not able to attend.

I'd failed. I felt I let myself down. I felt I let Violet and all the other dancers down.
I really beat myself up that day.



I LOVE going to Pride Fest in our town! (link)
It's such an outpouring of love and community. We have an insane amount of love here. And it woke me up to that ONE question on every anxiety test...

"Does your anxiety keep you from doing things you enjoy?"

Oh boy, had I let it interfere!

I knew in my head I hadn't let anyone down. I hadn't "failed" anyone. Not even myself.
That voice in my…

Crazy Busy Week!!!

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Whew!
Not ONLY is it the first week of classes for Fall Session...
It's the first week of school for my kids (thurs)
Have a final rehearsal for Pride Fest performances (thurs evening)
Take my dad to 2 doc appts (fri)
Walk Pride Fest Parade (sat morning)
Perform at Pride Fest twice (sat afternoon)
Acrobellyjam Performance at the Coffee Hag (sat evening)

It's enough to make me want to pull my curls out!


But I won't.
It would hurt and look funny.

Here's what I've learned to deal with insane week like this.
Focus.
Focus on what's right in front of you.
One. Thing. At. A. Time.

That's not to say I can't plan and prepare a bit for the things coming up...
I just don't need to WORRY about them yet.

My new Motto is:

Which is kind of a big deal. I was a BIG worrier.
"Stop worrying" has been said to me quite a lot by anyone I've lived with. Switching that part of your brain is super hard.
"But I *should* worry about some things, Blair"